Bella Essence

Feature in Pfk Productions Nadastrom Rio Room Video

2011-08-18T02:10:00.000-07:00

My boys over at P/f/k Productions showed me a great time during Nadastrom at Rio Room in Dallas, TX. That’s me dancing at second 0:37 [you can see my bracelets in the blue light] and a clear shot of me [wearing the white strapless floral top] at 1:37 :) Thanks guys for including me in the video…! I had a blast! Poppinista on the scene!

Nadastrom - Rio Room from P/f/k Productions on Vimeo.

More Music.

2011-07-31T23:41:00.000-07:00

Last Call!

2011-07-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

Just read a dope article about how to make Skittle Infused Vodka! Check out the tutorial here :) It's very easy, doesn't take long to make, you chose the brand of Vodka, and the additional ingredients aren't hard to find or expensive either! Cheers!

Your Ears Can Thank Me Later

2011-07-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

Best Day Ever.

2011-07-23T12:58:00.000-07:00

I love this video concept. The flashback clips are gold! One up to Mac Miller and his swagged up team.

Everything.

2011-07-22T16:12:00.000-07:00

--TI JI NI STYLES

Bumpin. Bumpin.

2011-07-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

A few tracks I'm feelin and can't stop repeating. Maybe you'll feel them too.

Could Be My Kid.

2011-07-02T14:42:00.000-07:00

I found this video on Drake's Blog and I had to post it. These kids have more swag than most dudes I've met. Sooo cute. Not to mention I actually LIKE the song. Way to go lil man.

Tumblr.

2011-06-22T01:02:00.000-07:00

Not giving up on my blogspot, but I'm going to start a tumblr.

It will be www.POPPiNiSTA.tumblr.com.

someone should coach me.

Dope.

2011-06-22T00:56:00.001-07:00

--SuperFlyDeluxe.com

Thankful.

2011-06-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

I saw this and it really spoke to me. Thought I'd share.

Gucci Gucci.

2011-06-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

Kreayshawn - 'Gucci Gucci'

Nostalgia.

2011-06-02T01:37:00.000-07:00

Who remembers having an EasyBake Oven? I had several (including the superdope Mrs. Fields Edition shown below). Thought I'd throw in Gumby and Sailor Moon, two other childhood favs. I miss those days!

--Source: Google Images

Late!

2011-05-24T22:57:00.000-07:00

I'm so behind on blogging and there are so many things I want to post, but I had to do something quick just because. This video is hilarious! Who is this kid? My dude @Soopafresh showed this to me a few days ago and I couldn't stop laughing! I hope you all enjoy this as much as I did!

Springfest Fashion Show

2011-04-09T17:59:00.000-07:00

Here are pics of me walking in the Springfest Fashion Show on April 1st, 2011! The show raised money for Women Against Heart Disease! According to Lindsay, the Fashion Show Coordinator, this show was the best its been in years, selling over 600 tickets and raising almost $3000! I'm so proud of her and all my fellow models from the show. It was such a great experience and I was so honored to be apart of the show!

My friend Jordan Spry took most of these pictures, and two were taken by a fellow HU Student Winter Coleman.

The first scene I was in was Scene 2, where I modeled a Dreamers & Believers Skirt, designed and made by my friend and colleague Alvin and a headpiece by HU Student named Shamora.

Next, in Scene 3 I modeled Tommy. I threw on my own pair of personality glasses to spice up the look.

In the Fourth Scene, I modeled earrings by another HU Student who has a business called Beads By Byree! Bikini showed off my scar on my stomach from my surgeries during my Cancer treatments. I was so nervous to be out there but everyone was so supportive and now call me 'Six-Pack Carrie'....ha. Some of my friends are hilarious!

I had so much fun and even got asked to walk in a show next weekend at the DC Convention Center! Check out more pics of the other models and designers via Facebook!

Time Sure Does Fly...

2011-04-09T17:01:00.000-07:00

Wow! I've been soo unbelievably busy! School, working, community service, partying, my birthday last weekend, and interviewing for jobs is in short what has been keeping me away from my poor little blog. I've missed writing!

So many beautiful things I want to share. I still need to post about working NY Fashion Week with Timo Weiland, me walking in the Springfest Fashion show at Howard University, the Nicki Minaj, Lil Wayne, Rick Ross Concert [I've got amazing footage!], my Relay For Life team, my JOB OFFER with APPLE, INC.!!! I don't know how I do it. So many facets to Carrie Poppinista, so little time! God is so good! I must thank him for his many blessings!

For now, here's some eargasms for yal to get down to...!

Beautiful Body - Trina

That's What They Call Me - Lil Wayne Feat. Gudda Gudda

Sure Thing - Miguel

I love this video!!!

Fab Five...Legends.

2011-03-13T23:53:00.000-07:00

I watched The Fab Five Documentary yesterday and gained so much more respect for the legendary 'Fab Five.' These guys were so strong, determined, and fought for respect through defeat, racism, and objection. The documentary was great and I loved how the guys kept it real at all times. They were thuggin forreal and I appreciate them never commercializing themselves despite what the masses were trying to change them into. I also respect the fact that they had a direct impact on fashion trends... with the all black socks and shoes, and baggy shorts. Fashion is everywhere! Big ups to the Fab Five. They're the real deal!

Just.Being.Real.

2011-03-12T23:13:00.000-08:00

i'm so over you.

POPPiNiSTA APPROVED: Nail Art

2011-03-11T00:10:00.000-08:00

My friend Gill showed me a page on Polyvore.com of some super dope Nail Art designs. Check out some of my favs. What do yal think? Poppin, or Ghetto? I'd be fine with either... :)

--'Amazing Nail Art Collection'

Flashback: Vintage Cereal.

2011-03-06T17:35:00.000-08:00

Stumbled upon this dope article about vintage cereals today... Cereals out today are so boring compared to the past! I've never been a big cereal fan but some of these look so good!

Check out the complete collection/article here, '54 Cereals We Loved and Lost'.

We Were A Beautiful Mistake.

2011-03-06T17:15:00.000-08:00

Posted another song by Keri Hilson a few days back... I'm really feelin a few tracks off the No Boys Allowed Album. This track is called 'Beautiful Mistake.' Check it out.

SoleStruck.com - Jeffrey Campbell.

2011-03-02T09:40:00.000-08:00

Stumbled upon a POPPiNiSTA APPROVED shoe site SoleStruck.com, which offers a wide variety of fashion forward styles alongside the tagline, "Because ugly soles are a global issue." Touche!

Of course they have one of my favorite shoe designers Jeffrey Campbell featured on the site... Check out some of my favorite styles below. I adore Jeffrey's ability to create such spunky styles that showcase such a wide range of styles and designs from cheetah to glitter to leather to studs to chains. It's every girls dream.

Yea Bitch I'm Ballin.

2011-03-01T19:45:00.000-08:00

Luvvin this Tyga track called 'Like Me.' Check out the video below.

Have You Laughed Today?

2011-02-28T10:48:00.001-08:00

Rolling Papers.

2011-02-28T09:09:00.000-08:00

Wiz Khalifa (@RealWizKhalifa) drops his album March 29th titled 'Rolling Papers'. Check out the album cover. What do yal think?

I'm excited to hear the album... Cover looks dope if you ask me!

Shampalove.com

2011-02-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

Stumbled upon this site that based out of Amsterdam, I believe. The website isn't completely in english and the prices are all in Euros! They have several pieces that are dope. I really dig this strand of fashion that is one of many thriving internationally. Fashion is so complex and universal there are so many avenues to gain inspiration from. Enlightening.

'Poppinista Approved' selection.
Here's a look at some of my fav pieces.

Vist www.Shampalove.com for access to their Lookbook, Blog, and Online Store!!! ♡

POPPiNiSTA APPROVED. DOPE QUALiTY.

2011-02-23T12:19:00.000-08:00

I miss this feeling.

2011-02-22T21:46:00.000-08:00

ICYtheARTIST.

2011-02-22T21:30:00.000-08:00

Check out this blog I found today after @ICYtheARTIST added me on Twitter!

ICYtheARTIST.com

She seems pretty dope and has POPPiNiSTA APPROVED style. Icy blogs about music, fashion, style, her endeavors as a young entrepreneur, and more. Gotta appreciate fellow bad ones! *tips hat*

**Want to be featured on Bella-Essence? Contact me with your blog information and you could be next!

One For Paper, Two For The Money.

2011-02-22T19:56:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been mildly annoyed with Keri Hilson -- she wears my name out ;) -- but I'm feelin this track. Check it out! It's called Buy You (Remix) and features J.Cole and Lil Kim.

Relay For Life!

2011-02-20T21:57:00.000-08:00

Relay For Life is coming to Howard University!

The American Cancer Society Relay For Life is a life-changing event that gives everyone in communities across the globe a chance to celebrate the lives of people who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against the disease.

April 15th, 2011 at Greene Stadium located on Howard University’s Campus, people will camp out and take turns walking or running around a track or path. There will be food friends, and entertainment, and an opportunity to perform community service while also having fun! Anyone can participate in Relay For Life so feel free to invite your friends!

Relay For Life is especially important to me being that I am personally a Cancer survivor of 9 years! At the age of 12 I was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma, a rare form of childhood cancer that, until my diagnosis, had only been discovered in children ages 4 or younger. Of those children, the survival rate was slim to none, so Doctor’s were unsure of the success the treatments would provide for me in curing the disease from my body. After several rounds of chemotherapy, radiation therapy, as well as two major operations – one resulting in the removal of my left kidney – I was pronounced cured!

The cost of registration is $10 which is paid online at the time of registration, which is automatically placed in the team’s fundraising account. This money goes towards our fundraising goal and will be donated to the American Cancer Society in order to make advancements in Cancer research and improving the lives of those who are currently battling Cancer personally or someone in their family. After registering, you can obtain additional donations or sponsors to continue to raise funds and awareness of our mission if you choose to do so.

To join Carrie Lofton's Relay For Life Team, please visit www.RelayHu.org. Click SIGN UP at the top of the page followed by clicking the JOIN A TEAM blue button that you will see on the Sign Up page. The team name is Carrie Lofton's Relay For Life Team. After searching the team name, it will appear on the page and you can click JOIN in purple letters on the right hand side of the page.

For more information, please contact Carrie directly at carrielofton@aol.com.

Thank you for all of your support!

Busy Bee.

2011-02-20T13:59:00.000-08:00

Hello, hello!

I've been so busy for the past few weeks I haven't had time to blog about a few topics I've been reflecting on!

Quick Carrie Update: ➜
Life has been so fulfilling lately. I've been very busy and opportunities are knocking at every door!

❤ Fashion week was AMAZING! I've typed up a post to give you all the inside scoop on my behind the scenes work and now all I need to do is upload the pics! Look forward to that...
❤ Also, I was selected for second round interviews with Brown-Forman, a spirits, wine, and adult beverage company! =P Their brands include Jack Daniels, Korbel Champagne, Southern Comfort, and Finlandia Vodka to name a few. Very impressive company and I am very thrilled to travel to Louisville, Kentucky for this opportunity! Keep sending the prayers up--GOD IS GOOD and he will provide!
❤ Springfest Fashion Show is coming up! Super excited to do the show again this year after having such a blast last year!!!

Special Shoutout to my sister Brea (@BreazyFBabeh)... She told me to check out this sick fashion site called Lookbook.nu. It's a fashion collection of users all over the world who post really cool pics of themselves wearing fashionable apparel. Viewers can click on each picture so the poster can get 'HYPE's' when they view pics they like. Click the widget below to check it out!

It's really dope and def POPPINISTA APPROVED.

gotta luvv WSHH

2011-02-16T01:26:00.000-08:00

This is Babi Mac rapping her single Proved Dat. Yes, you heard me right. Rapping. She has a spunky attitude and is very in your face about being so tough in the game all while being a white girl... hrmm. Wonder what her future holds...

How do yal feel about Babi Mac's new single?

If I know anything it's the outfits in this video were horrible! Where is she going in that silver pointy shoe / footless legging look?
*confused*

I'd like THESE for Valentine's Day, please!

2011-02-13T23:25:00.000-08:00

Air Jordan V Retro Premio Bin 23

POPPiNiSTA APPROVED.

They're released February 18th, 2011 and are sure to sell out almost instantly! These are an excellently designed sneaker. I'd love to rock a pair!

--FreshnessMag.com

Music. Money. Magnums.

2011-02-10T15:25:00.001-08:00

Download Travis Porter's new mixtape 'Music. Money. Magnums.' HERE!

My BB Shadae from Atlanta told me to download it and I'm pretty satisfied. It's the usual Travis Porter feel... crazy talk about Atlanta, Strip clubs, and throwing money but all to some pretty dope beats. Check it out, party people. You can catch me twerking to one of these tracks on top of a table in the near future =P

I'm Gettin' Paper.

2011-01-29T21:37:00.000-08:00

Look At Me Now - Chris Brown Feat. Busta Rhymes, Lil Wayne

Geez!

2011-01-28T21:00:00.001-08:00

I've got to try these. I can't find them anywhere! :(

Fashion Week: Timo Weiland

2011-01-28T18:24:00.000-08:00

So I just found out today that I am helping with a show February 13th, 2011 at New York Fashion Week! With the help of an up and coming designer I went to High School with that went to University of Texas, Alexandra King, I was given the opportunity to help at the Timo Weiland show. I am so excited! Here are some shots of a few of their pieces!

From The Spring/Summer 2010 Collection:

Their website is amazing! The web editing is some of the best I've seen in a while, I must admit. Check them out!
Their collections can be found at Barney's New York, amongst many other retailers.
A full listing is located on their website, www.timoweiland.com.

Dope.

2011-01-27T22:50:00.000-08:00

Poppinista Approved Hello Kitty Nails by @MmmKandiYamz.

Check her out at Nail Kandi.
She has done Natalie Nunn's nails... :)

Hello Kitty Sephora Collection ❤

2011-01-27T13:43:00.000-08:00

"She's iconic. She's adored. She's known around the world. Now, Hello Kitty is bringing her playful spirit to a new beauty line presented exclusively at Sephora. This sophisticated collection mixes the essence of Hello Kitty with a touch of style and fun. With charming designs and luxurious formulas infused with ingredients she loves, Hello Kitty Beauty is the ultimate must-have. Hello Kitty. Hello Pretty."
--Hello Kitty® ©1976, 2011 Sanrio Co., Ltd.

Sephora has launched a new line of cosmetics, accessories, and Fragrances all based on my favorite cartoon character of all time, Hello Kitty. The store is offering a selection of shades packaged in cute Hello Kitty shaped containers and pallets.

A Complete List of products found in the Hello Kitty Collection can be seen at the link above. Prices range from $5 to $55 dollars.

These one of a kind items are bound to sell out fast as did the last Hello Kitty Collection that the store introduced. These make great gifts and are price friendly for all ages!

i miss the sun.☀

2011-01-27T00:49:00.000-08:00

--From my own personal photos.

'Have You Heard?'

2011-01-24T15:45:00.000-08:00

Well, my "blog relaunch" was supposed to be yesterday on my Mother's birthday... but of course I had nothing prepared to "launch." I've been updating here and there, but as promised, I'm introducing various sections of my blog. Today I'm unveiling the 'Have You Heard?' portion! Where I post music, both new and old, that I currently have on the rotation. Hopefully you enjoy and find some new tracks that you've never heard or just forgot you had :)

Whatever You Want - Trey Songz feat. Sasha Gomez

Made Men - Rick Ross feat. Drake

Down On Me - Jeremih feat. 50 Cent

It's All About the Benjamins, Baby..."

2011-01-07T19:38:00.000-08:00

People always say money isn't everything.

That's true.

Money means nothing if you're unhealthy and dying with no cure.

Ok. I get that.

But all of the problems in my life currently could be solved...

How? MONEY.

It's so hard for me to see how so many misfortunes have happened to my family, and now money is such an issue. I feel so helpless sometimes because I was raised getting whatever I wanted. I was bred a spoiled brat, and I'll admit that. So now that I'm older and am used to that lifestyle, it upsets me when I can't just get what I want. It hurts how my mother makes me feel like I am nothing...worthless...because I value money so much and I get so angry when she tells me, 'No.'

I don't mean to be rude. I don't mean to seem heartless. I understand that I am SO BLESSED and I have so much more than what so many others do... and I understand that I can't continue to live the way I used to... But it's so hard getting back up on your feet when your financial stability mat is literally yanked from under your feet without warning. I resent myself for feeling this way and feel so empty. I wish there was more that I could do to financially help my family right now, but I can't.

I have so many issues... my head hurts. I'm sad... all because of money and I don't know what to do.

How can something that makes me so happy bring me so much pain?

Muppet Monsters!

2011-01-06T16:51:00.000-08:00

__________.

2011-01-05T23:14:00.000-08:00

I'm going through such a conflict internally right now.

The more and more time goes on the more and more it eats at me.

I feel so disrespected, insulted, hurt, damaged, confused, numb.... I hardly know how to feel anymore.

I'm just so.....speechless.

Guilty Pleasure...

2010-11-23T23:15:00.000-08:00

So, this summer I was dared by a close friend to audition for Season 6 of the hit showThe Bad Girls Club... Not ever taking any of the interviews seriously, I actually advanced significantly in the interview process, making it to personal skype interviews with casting directors in LA! Although I did not make the cast, I am a big big fan of the show, and did my internet scoop to dig up dirt on the cast of season 6, which premieres in January of 2011.

The cast is returning to Los Angeles this season... I can't wait to see what this season has to offer! Craziness I can guarantee! I'm especially excited because they FINALLY picked a girl from Dallas! Somehow I managed to find a clip of the one of the first fights.... Looks intense.

**Small world? I wrote about a cast member from BGC6 being from Dallas... come to find out we went to the same high school! I don't remember her though. Clearly wasn't too memorable! LOL I joke, I joke. I'm anxious to see how she acts this season. From what I've heard she's obsessed with her ass and her boobs. That's annoying.

Lanvin for H & M

2010-11-19T19:57:00.000-08:00

November 20th, 2010, H&M will be releasing their Limited Line collection of the season, this year designed by Lanvin! The designs are spunky, risque in terms of color and detail, yet classic and distinctive at the same time.

Here are a few snapshots from the collection. You can preview entire collection on H&M's Website which is extremely interactive and breathtaking at captivating the beauty of each Lanvin piece. What I want the most are the turquoise velvet embellished pair of heels! [pictured below] The heels are to die for and give me Marie Antoinette, very circa 1700's.

Lines will be forming in the early morning for this collection and the supply won't even last a day.

I love this black look. The shoes have crystals around the upper heel!

*gasps* ...these are the shoes I want! *melts*

Lanvin unleashed somethin' for the fellas too...

Dresses are priced from $149 to $249, women's coats are $149 to $349, and all women's shoes are $99.

-Photo Credit: Huffington Post

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back.

2010-11-19T01:14:00.000-08:00

So as I'm rummaging through the mess of my poor little ramshacked blog, putting the pieces and ideas together for Bella Essence's Jan 2011 relaunch, I felt as though I needed to write, so here I am. I hope you enjoy the changes so far with more to come in the near future!

Last night, ladies and gentlemen, I discovered a rat was in my kitchen. Yes, I said it. A rat.

Exhibit A, also, my new suite mate.

Now sadly, many of you all are going to read this, and think, "It's just a rat... Rats are always in the Towers." But this is where I'm confused. WHY on earth do others rationally and openly accept the fact that a living facility has a defiant rodent issue? THIS IS NOT OK! We are better than this and we deserve better than this! And if you've forgotten, we also PAY for this! So, in essence, if you deem this reaction of mine as dramatic or unnecessary, you're willingly stating that you would pay for a place to stay that occupies not only you, but rodents as well. This, to me, sounds like an immediate problem that has persisted for far too long.

I understand that things like this happen, but to due to the high frequency of rodent oriented occurrences alone, I have no choice but to blame the Howard Plaza Towers for this. Failure to secure a clean, healthy, safe living space for students is a breach of their duty to us, and we should not continue day by day, week by week, month by month, semester by semester, year by year to tolerate this mistreatment. It is not clean, safe, and/or healthy to enter your kitchen only to discover a rat is running across your countertop, stove, and cooking areas where the food that you consume is prepared. That, to me, is an extreme health risk alone, and it baffles me that there is not more concern regarding this problem.

This is a battle that needs to be fought in order to make a mark on the administration not only of the Howard Plaza Towers, but the university as a whole. As a Senior here at Howard University, over the past three, going on four years I have witnessed many examples of the internal flaws of the school which are unexplainable, unprofessional, and unbecoming of the representation that Howard University strives to exude. I don't understand why there are so many strong voices on Howard University's campus alone, and proper treatment in not only our living quarters, but administratively as well, is something that Howard fails to deliver us. I saddens me that my colleagues have allowed this university to make them think that it is acceptable to live under these conditions, and I am ashamed that no matter what I say or do, my concerns and desires for better treatment, proper respect, and adequate service will merely be brushed aside as if they don't matter.

I ask you this question...

Think about those who came before us who were monumental vessels of change that made history that effects us still to this day. Although my rodent issue is miniscule in comparison, think of those such as Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, and Malcolm X. What would life be like if they silenced their voice and did not stand up for their rights and what they believed in? In my opinion, this is no different. Yes, a rat being in kitchen is not the end of the world, but it's more than that. It's the issue of self respect and the acknowledgment that I'm worth more and deserve better than to pay to attend and live at a university that does not provide me with professional and respectful service, as well as a safe, clean, and secure place to, at the end of the day, call my home.

I ask you all to reflect, as well as act on these principles knowing that your rights are important, and standing for what you believe in is a voice that should always be heard.

A silence voice is a producer of no words.

Change does not come silently, and

without change, everything will stay the same.

"....please excuse the mess!"

2010-11-15T15:47:00.000-08:00

...you never know what I'm gonna say next!

I'm working on making Bella Essence the best it can be for a HUGE relaunch Jan 2011! Not only will Bella Essence continue to explore the 'Beautiful Significance' of the little things in life that I feel are oftentimes overlooked, but I will also be incorporating my passion for Fashion, Creative Design, Music, and more!

I have a lot to look forward the near future and I can't wait to share my stories, experiences, and outlooks with you all!

In the meantime, feel free to read my previous posts, or leave a comment of what you'd like to see or see more of! Thanks for the support.

As always,

C.LO

.Breakdown.

2010-02-26T10:11:00.000-08:00

I need to make it a habit to blog more frequently... This is something I really enjoy so I need to make time for it! Hope you missed reading :)

Yours truly! (With absolutely no makeup on at that! #BOW haters!)

___________________________

It's been a while since I've made a post and I've got to say a lot has happened! Being here at Howard at this point in my life is truly teaching me a lot about myself and a lot about other people and how they act. I'm glad I can look at others and take from what they do and say and then in turn reflecting on myself personally and improving where I see flaws.

I have realized I am a very compassionate, giving person, and people take advantage of me for it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad, I choose to be so giving; I can't even be mad. What does it do for me to be mad when I have put myself out there and made myself vulnerable to peoples behavior such as this? I have no control over how people act and no matter what I do or say can change that. Bottom line -- PEOPLE ARE GONNA DO WHAT THEY WANNA DO WHEN THEY WANNA DO IT. Point blank period. No negotiations. All I can do it control myself and be the best person I can be.

So what can I do in such situations that I find myself in ALL THE TIME? Remove myself. That is all. Don't allow yourself to be mistreated by anyone regarding any matter. KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH and VALUE and APPRECIATE IT. At the end of the day, no one is going to hold it down for you BUT YOU. It's never about allowing yourself to be disrespected. I, personally, am the type to just stop talking in the middle of an argument because two parties yelling back and forth isn't going to resolve anything. If I've said all I can say and tried my best to correct the matter, then what's the use? It's not that I lack consideration for the person, its not that I don't value the relationship, it's not that I'm weak and get pushed down by the other persons words . . it's life is too short for me to invest time, energy, and emotion in a relationship that isn't going to be a positive factor in my life.

What's the point of having a relationship that you constantly have to worry about the person not giving their 50 percent? There is no relationship worth giving 90 and receiving 10. As much as you care about the person you must realize and understand that after they have proven what kind of person that they are, they are not going to change. As many times as they tell you differently, as many times as you blatantly tell them how they're making you feel . . most oftentimes it's no use.

Finally, I have been able to accept the fact that I've been battling a toxic relationship for a while now, and I am taking the steps to getting past it. Don't get me wrong, its a process to detox yourself after being "sucked dry" of everything you have to give (in one of my cases, for an extended period of time -- The earlier the discovery the easier it is it move on). But as hard as it is, at the end of the day, it feels so great to know that I stood up for myself and didn't allow someone to be so ruthless and break me down until I have nothing left to give to the next person who just may turn out to be just as compassionate as me....

He's The Reason For The Season

2009-12-20T18:26:00.001-08:00

Seasons Greetings Everyone! :)

With it being my favorite time of year, I've been extremely relaxed and attentive of things and those who are around me. Their actions, words, everything. And I have come to the realization that I am SO BLESSED.

No, seriously.

Everyday I wake up and thank the Lord for waking me up, starting a new day, giving me food to eat... etc. etc. But the things that I forget to thank the Lord for have really been sticking out to me...

I may not be rich, but "I got money in tha bank" -- THANK YOU JESUS.

I may not be in a Range (...yet), but I have a cuteee car that works -- THANK YOU JESUS.

I may not get to see my Dad, but he's alive, healthy, and I know he loves me. -- THANK YOU JESUS.

I may have to deal with minor health problems more often than the average 20 year old, but I fought Cancer and couldn't be more proud of myself. -- THANK YOU JESUS!!!

And that's just to name a few...

As the hustle and bustle of not only the holidays, but life in general overwhelm our lives, make sure you sit back and take time to Thank The Lord for all of your many blessings. I know I would be lost without my family, my friends, and all of the things that mean so much to me... And I know that they could all be taken from me in an instant.

So with that said, THANK YOU Jesus for ALL the things that you have put in my life. I am one lucky girl...

I also want to say I Love You to all my family, friends, and relatives who make my life that much more great to live. I want yoy all to know that you truly bring so much joy and happiness into my life, and I appreciate every single one of you in such a special way :)

- Happy Holidays, C.LO :)

Crystal Ball

2009-11-16T08:18:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to wonder what direction I'm going in in regards to my life... I wish I could see the future and know the weight that my decisions truly bear...

As the Holiday season quickly approaches, I am starting to see how fast time flies by! I can honestly remember my freshman year of college like it was yesterday... I can even remember some aspects of high school that happened years ago but I can vividly remember the smells and feelings of my life at that time. I hate looking back on time because I feel as if I haven't done anything extremely productive with my life over the past few years. I've just been going through the motions... just here, not really living.

This feeling of emptiness is something that I don't really know how to deal with, and I feel that I'm trying to fill the void with things that will never make me feel complete and ultimately in the end make me feel worse.

I find myself second guessing my decisions and questioning my true purpose in life. I fear the future and shudder at my wasted past. It scares me to know that if I don't make some changes then I could potentially view my future as wasted as well.

I just want to be successful and happy. Is that really a lot to ask for?

Late Night Creepah

2009-11-14T02:23:00.001-08:00

So, I probably shouldn't be up at 5 in the morning granted I work the desk tomorrow... Over here really thinking about this guy and typing out thoughts.

What is going on?! Like out of the blue you're being great, things are going good, *all smiles* :D ... I'm just so taken back at this change that I've been anticipating for so long--it makes me want to be with you all the time the way we used to, back when things were easy cuz I was niave. *shakes head* (what was wrong with me...so blind?)

...back to wanting to see your face as frequent as possible..yearning for conversation..always desiring contact with your skin to mine...

So can you blame me for wanting to really go see this nigga at 4 AM? I didn't even flinch as to think of myself as a late night creepah somekindahoe lookin head ass. I really was just thinking out of this surpressed frustration that only a man can release...

FYI .:. I didn't end up going over to this guys spot. (I think he fell asleep waiting for me... :( ) But who knows what couldawoulda happened if things had ended differently.

I guess we'll never know...

- NewLteNghtCRPAH, C.LO

Who Knows...

2009-11-03T10:41:00.001-08:00

So, first off, I'm posting this through my iPhone! (Remember how I was searching for an app that allowed me to blog? FOUND ONE!) This being so, I feel like I'm going to have more posts that are shorter in length. I think that should be ok though. Maybe my posts will be a little more 'live' since I'm posting right as I'm thinking and hopefully have more presence in your lives. I hope my writings and ideas reach out to you and allow you to gain an altered perspective of the specific topic...

So on to the point...

Life has been extremely stressful lately. From dealing with schoolwork and family troubles to trying to acheive the goals I have set for myself to evaluating who I am and how my actions affect me in the future... Things are getting tough. Mentally and physically.

I dislike where I am at this point in my life and I have no clue how to fix things. I dislike Howard University almost to the point of utter disgust and I'm stuck here. I never thought a place could make me feel like this... One thing I've def learned from Howard is that Time and Money are the most cruel and unforgiving things in the world. They're so easily spent and hardly ever capable of getting back.

I feel like no one really understands my mental process or even cares to comprehend what i'm going through. I'm not one to express my feelings very much because I don't want anyone to think that I'm being dramatic or over the top. (so when I DO have a bad day and speak on it people are like "whoaaa..." -- case proven, yal are probably thinking that now after my Howard rant..) This leads me to putting up this front like everything is so great BUT ITS NOT.

Which leads to me think... Am I the only one who feels like this?

It's so bizarre how people can look at you and think they have you all figured out but they don't know anything at all. You never know how much a person has dealt with in their life but we as humans are so judgemental...we think we know everything but most times we know nothing! How did we get to this point?

Why is there such a blatant disregard for how other people feel these days? I know you can't ask every living being how they're doing when you see them, but honestly, with 24 hours in a day, how much time did you dedicate to stop worrying about yourself and pay attention to the feelings of another?

7. Reflection

2009-09-11T12:08:00.000-07:00

Today being September 11th, I felt it was important to speak on my thoughts of this day.

It seemed like so long ago when the tragedy occurred in three different parts of the United States where the lives of so many innocent people were taken, but that does not mean that we can forget and fail to continue to learn from such a major occurrence.

When tragedies of this magnitude occur, there are many lessons to be learned. Not only those of safety and precaution, but those that influence our everyday lives and how we live each day. I find that many times human beings fail to realize that tomorrow is not promised, nor is the next hour, minute, or second. Everything that you cherish, appreciate, and deem worthy can be taken from you in a single moment, and there is nothing you can do to stop that from being a reality.

As I walk around campus, around the mall, anywhere.. I always see more acts of selfishness or anger than I see of acts of kindness and happiness. Why is it that the human race has become so ruthless and unconcerned for one another? It takes less energy to be polite and kind than it does to be rude and standoffish, so why do people go to great lengths to be so mean? Realistically, I know and understand you cannot always put others before yourself and you are not obliged to always be nice. However, I feel that if everyone treated at least one person a day kinder than what they do now that the world would be a lot different. I think it would be better. You never know when your one, simple act of kindness was just was someone needed to get through their day. A simple act of kindness could be a smile. It's that simple.

Also, people fail to let the people that they care about know how they really feel about them. Tell your family, friends, and relatives how you feel about them. If you love them, let them know. You could loose them tomorrow and never have the chance to let them know how you really felt. Last year, Mr. Grey, an advisor in the School of Business passed away unexpectedly...:

I remember Mr. Grey always being there for me, always helping me when I needed an extra push... and he always begged for me to come see him and just talk about life and I would always reply with "Next week Mr. Grey! Next week!" But of course, next week was always the next week, followed by the next. And after so long of being wrapped up in my own problems and life, which is understandable -- everyone has things to do -- I never made it to his office to let him know that he was the only person that I felt really cared about me in that office. (And Howardites know, if you go to school here, chances are you are just another sheet of paper when it comes to faculty caring about your well-being...)

Incidents like that, and I have had several, have shown me that you cannot put your feelings on the back-burner. I am so prone to putting things off but time is of the essence. We only have one life to live, so the time is now.

I urge everyone of you to reflect on your life and how people view you...

If you were gone tomorrow, would someone remember you for the good you did, or the bad?

If you were gone tomorrow, would your family know how much you appreciate them? Would you friends know much you really love them?

If you were gone tomorrow, would the acquaintance of yours know how much they impacted your life even though you all barely spoke?

If you were gone tomorrow...

--C.LO <3

6. WHY?!

2009-09-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

*Shoutouts to my residents B.Carter and Erin .. as requested ;)

So... school is beginning to be in FULL EFFECT (I have tests next week...whattt?) and the weather is getting cold ALREADY (I am really not feeling it...Damn D.C.) but I am alive and healthy (I MUST avoid catching anything from ANYONE. Swine Flu is not cute) so I can't complain too much.

I must start blogging more -- forsure. A few people have told me they liked what they read and would love to see more, so I really want to gain a following on here. You never where this could take me.

As I peer out of my window upon the rainy day and wait for my DC Cuisine - another name for Chinese Carry-Out - I randomly started thinking...

Topic:: How Long Is Long Enough?

Ok... I'm going to just jump straight to the point...

WHY is it that a guy will meet a girl - a girl that's nice, caring, intelligent, whom they find attractive... everything they say they're looking for - and then play her life and never just put her on? I mean I understand guys, and girls, don't like being tied down into relationships... (I mean hey, even I'll admit it's awkwardly thrilling to work the game and have options) But forreal?

I mean maybe this is something I feel is extremely prevalent at Howard University, but I feel as if I see the same trends of people who had some form of relations early into coming to Howard University STILL just skimming by without any titles, definition, or clarification of what's going on between the two of them. So many times I have conversations with friends and the typical "So what's going on between you and @#!$%&" comes up followed by either the eye roll, shrug, or sigh that accompanies the ever-so bleak "Ggiirrlll, i don't know."

One question:: "WHY?"

I feel as if you can go years with having feelings for someone that something needs to be done about it. No pressure, of course, don't rush into things, but what's the point of liking someone and never saying anything? There's only so long of a period of time that you will both be in college and have opportunities to work on the course of the relationship the two of you could potentially have. And personally, if I like someone for that long it's clearly something. I'm the type to like you one day and wake up the next and totally see things in a different light.

Is it fear of giving up all the games and chase? I feel like after so long you should get tired of all of that and should realize that you have such a great guy, or girl, in front of you. If that person has shown you their dependability, been there for you at your worst, and you know that they honestly care for you, what else is there to look for? Why are you still searching when you have something so great and hard to find in front of you? It's difficult for me to come upon people that I really connect with past a physical attraction level and happen to find dependable and trustworthy, so if I were to be in the situation, I feel like I would really want to give it a shot. What's the worst that could happen?

I just feel like to much pressure is put on the title of Boyfriend // Girlfriend. Once again, Why?

"Boy you can put me on you like a brand new white tee

I'll hug your body tighter than my favorite jeans.

I want you to caress me like a tropical breeze

And float away with you in the Caribbean Sea..."

-M.Carey

--Just a thought as always, C.LO :)

5. LiFE & TiME

2009-09-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

So, is there an iPhone app for blogspot? Just wondering... That could def be useful.

Secondly -- I'M ON FIRE! I really don't know what it is, but lately I have been really getting alot of male attention. I haven't done anything interesting... I feel like I look the same (minus sporting new curly hair sometimes...which I'm really liking... do guys really like curly hair? topic?) But its odd how these 'options' are suddenly emerging. They really aren't 'options' I guess, time is such a tricky thing. But something is going on 'round here yal! ...finally, right?

On a really positive note -- I caught the attention of someone that pretty much seems to get me, for all my craziness, randomness... you know, carrieness :) I find it really bizarre how the Lord brings people into your life at such random times and you least expect things to happen that just somehow do. Never would I have guessed that this person would be to me what they are now. You can be around someone indirectly for so long, never crossing paths, and then all of a sudden you meet and it's like you've known them for forever... Like I said, time is such a tricky thing.

Time can be a real bitch though. So unforgiving, so quick to be gone, so easy to be used in the wrong way... so difficult, almost incapable of being understood.

I always seem to come across individuals that interest me, and not just on a relationship tip, when time seems to have almost expired. It leaves me to wonder what impact that person will have on my life in the future, and why I met them at that certain time. If someone could seem so amazing, so in synch with you in such a short period of time, why would the Lord make it to where you come to this realization so much later than when you think it could have happened? I guess we need to completely allow the Lord to take control of our lives, instead of always trying to predict what could..should..would have happened if this..that..or this would have happened... if only we would have done things differently or could go back in time.

It's fascinating to think about life and the choices that we make with our time. We always wish to go back and change how we spent our time, but time is like a bad retail return policy: once you buy it, you can never take it back.

Life and time -- two things that are based on so much detail, so many decisions, and all we can do is wait in order to understand their value, their true definition, and their true importance.

With all that said,

don't think I have a boo...because I dont -- C.LO ;)

4. Guess who's back?

2009-08-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

So I'm back to conquer these mean streets of Washington D.C. while I'm here for school at good ol' Howard U. I promise promise promise those who even bother to read, as well as myself, that I'm going to "blog" more often. (Being here at Howard, I'm sure I will have tons of inspiration... *rolls eyes*)

I'm really thinking of branching away from the whole relationships theme I've been on for the first three posts... but we'll see. There has def been a bit of a 'stir' -if you could call it that- over here in my guy life, but you know, it never really ever gets past that simmer point. We'll see.

3. Wants

2009-07-16T23:14:00.000-07:00

I have so many thoughts and always fail to write them down when they come to mind...

Not much is going on on this side of the computer screen... I'll be back at school sooner than I expected; I got the RA job on campus :) Quite an accomplishment granted so many students interviewed, however I'm having a hard time being excited... blame it on me not loving Howard University the way a college student should love their school? Hmph. Two more years only two more years... Enough of my ramblings, now to business at hand...

Topic of today:

'I Want Him (...or her) So Bad'

I'm sure a few of you tilted your heads in a bit of confusion as you read this, but first off the '...or her' is strictly for the males to relate (if they're even still reading at this point; I know my posts can be a bit female directed..anyway) and secondly, the reason. At a party a few weeks ago, as a friend of mine (girl of course) continued to gab in the corner of the party and people watch as we sipped from our red solo cups (so cliche...) she proceeds to motion for me to look at our friend (who I would never be sexually attracted to nor even begin to think he was attractive for that matter) and says 'Oh God... I want him, so bad.' Now, at the moment I kind of giggled at the statement, then realizing she was serious. I was unsure then of why she didn't just go for it, I mean I really think she had a chance given my standpoint on how they both act and how compatible they are. But go for what exactly? What does she 'want'? Him to be her boo, or him, as in, that night?

After my friend said that and I had laughed, almost immediately I began to realize that if the tables had of been turned, I very well could have said the very same thing, and meant so many different things. I'm really trying to make myself a stronger person when it comes to relationships, but it is a journeyyy I tell ya. I'm extremely timid and I believe this is what has gotten me to 'wanting him so bad.' One day, I want a boo, but sometimes, many times, I think I've just been without a little male attention for a while and now I'm really needing to, quench my thirst, I should say. Ha. Admitting is the 1st step, eh?

It's frustrating because these 'wants' can be so different, so easily can be judged or taken the wrong way, but any way you put it it always seems to be fueled by this inner sensual side that normally someone like me wouldn't dare think to let out but in the moment you really don't care. It's always the guy that got away that you talk to every once in a while that says all the right things and you think of all the moments you all had together where you could have done whatever you pleased with him--from being the boo to merely just getting close to him, (but didn't in my case) and then you realize you 'want him so bad' but it's too late... or is it? The guy that you are such good friends with, the one you see and your face lights up, the one that you look across the room at him at a party and the only thing you can think about is how amazing he looks and you 'want him so bad' (and have secretly for years) but don't know if he feels the same even though it feels like he does (and has definitely, undeniably, just about openly let you know there's something there). Should you ask? (Not at that moment in the middle of a party of course... ha) Or no, don't ever bring it up... fearing that he'll think you're crazy and obsessive? Or what about the guy that you suddenly realize is there and always has been but you never really paid much attention too but all of a sudden you 'want him soo bad'?

People always say just let things flow,

but sometimes, the flow doesn't go and then you never know.

So, I guess the question is, do you go with your feeling, this 'wanting him (...or her)' and make a move BECAUSE IT FREAKING FEELS RIGHT (when it seems like nothing ever does)...? Or do you just wing it. Go with the flow. Keep waiting? And then risk letting another moment, something else, someone else, slip away?

Maybe I think too much?

My thoughts are ram-sacked. Who knows. Whatever you do, stay safe. That's real.

As always, C.LO :)

2. It's Been A While...

2009-07-02T21:56:00.001-07:00

So, thought I had forgotten about my blog eh? Nah. Just needed a bit to collect my thoughts, think about what I was going to say next.

The topic... ergh, question, of this post will be brief, because I have another topic that I will post this week :)

QUESTION:

Everytime I meet a guy,

I feel as if I need to put my guard

up in fear that I will get my

feelings hurt.

Who's fault is that?

Mine, or theirs?

Part of me thinks it's MY FAULT, because I continue to go into these same situations in the same way, somehow creating the same outcome for myself. Forcing myself into the same horrible situation... however, another part of me thinks that its THEIR FAULT because every experience that I can remember has resulted in getting my feelings hurts. And not like sappy heartbroken crying kinda hurt, but the disappointing wishing things you let me down kinda feelings hurt. So once again, is that MY FAULT for thinking too much of guys? Or am I setting myself down a pathway to nowhere once again because I would be going into every situation thinking that guys will be nothing more than a disappointment because they never meet my expectations? And I really don't think my expectations are too high...I'm a pretty reasonable person...understanding, caring, compassionate, honest...

This topic confuses me...and I know that I won't figure this out in entirety, given that everyone is different...just thought the topic would spark some ideas mentally within!

Feedback til next time?

Peace & Blessings -- C.LO :)

1. Welcome to Bella Essence

2009-05-31T23:18:00.000-07:00

Bel⋅la [bel-uh] Es⋅sence [es-uhns] :

Beautiful Significance

I would suppose I should begin with a quick hello and intro (that seems appropriate, right?). My name is Carrie Elizabeth and I am a Junior, Marketing Major attending Howard University in Washington, DC. I am twenty years old and I have alot of thoughts and ideas to share with the world, hence, why I made a blog. I have many sides to me...be it a bit "jazzy" one moment or pensive the next. Check me out. I think I'm kinda cool...ok, well, only sometimes.

Alright, now that that is out of the way...

First topic: "I Don't Have Time For Games"

I guess I'll shoot for what I'm feeling at the moment. I am so perplexed by the lack of honesty that I have been receiving from members of the opposite sex. At first, I figured it was "just me" or I was "paranoid"... but seriously? If I attempt to talk to one more person and they lie to me within the first few days of discussion I may just give up hope. I have come to finding myself doubting everything any male says to me. Be it where something is in the grocery store or where my "potential boo" (...ah, the "P.B." -- another topic) is really going and who he is really with. I always feel like I have to look over my shoulder, find out for my self, be quick, and most importantly guarded. I believe that the divorce between my parents contributed to this greatly... considering my Mother is low-key a man hater thanks to my Father (who even still I love and adore) and the many men who have also inspired this topic... but I do not want to hate men. I want to find someone that I can trust.

I may be the only one who feels this way, but I appreciate honesty. Yes, you may make mistakes, but I'm not going to hate you once make them (well, everyones situation is different; never say never) ...I would just rather you TELL ME THE TRUTH than to lie to my face and I find out later. Lies hurt more than honesty. When did it become alright to lie to people consistently? Really, who are you trying to help by lying? Seriously, if you want to cancel an outing we planned, cancel it... don't tell me that 'you're going to be late so I'll call you later' and NEVER DO. Don't tell me that you're 'just really busy' but in reality you're reading my texts with no intent on replying. If you're my "P.B.", why are you lying and telling me that 'you're going out with the boys' but 10 minutes later I find out you and lil miss no name are going out for icecream? Did we even establish rules of a relationship for you to be lying to get around? I don't understand that...but anyways...

I could go on forever with examples that not only myself, but friends as well have had to put up with. [Not everything above has happened to me... sorry for the disclaimer, you never know a P.B. could read this and think I was talking about him...but I'm not!]

Simply, if "you don't want to talk to me like that", figure out a way to tell me respectfully (a factor that has become extremely bleak realistically). Yea, I may be a little upset, but I am a big girl, I will survive. Tell me the truth so that I won't be wasting my time when I could be finding someone who will treat me how I deserve.

And before the males jump down my neck on things...don't get me wrong, females lie too... we are not by any means innocent, but that's once again, another topic.

So I guess what I'm getting at is....if males are thought to be liars, and ok, so are women, aren't we unknowingly allowing ourselves to form relationships that are prematurely based on lies and dishonesty...?

i would rather be single than have a relationship where i have been lied to for months just to keep me "happy."

...just a thought.